Healer of My Broken Heart

I’m about to share something deeply personal with you. Normally, I blog about lighter topics, but today is different. God has been prompting me to write this story for months now. I’m finally mustering up the courage to share it. I hope and pray this story will be a source of encouragement for those who read.

Healer

(Image via Pinterest)

In December of 2011, we decided we would like to start a family. We had been married one year and it seemed like the perfect time. That was over three years ago. Before attempting to get pregnant, it never seriously crossed my mind that we would be one of those couples to face INFERTILITY. We were both healthy and had no known issues.

I wasn’t too concerned at first, knowing it is normal for healthy couples to take 6-9 months to conceive. But as each month went by, I grew more concerned that there may be a problem. I visited my doctor after six months and she simply reassured me that it was too early to be concerned, but encouraged me to start getting things checked out after nine months. Still no pregnancy occurred so we had some testing done at the nine month mark. The doctor called with results and we had an answer as to why pregnancy wasn’t occurring as easily as we thought it would. It wasn’t an end-of-the-world diagnosis, but it explained a lot and gave us reason to believe our struggle was not over.

We proceded with some Rx medication, more testing, herbal remedies, and various procedures over the next couple of years with no success. The waiting process took its toll on us, me especially. It greatly challenged my faith and trust in God. But it drew me closer to Him. I faced moments of absolute despair and then moments of miraculous rest. The fluctuation of emotion was exhausting.

In the spring of 2014, we found ourselves the most emotionally raw. We were facing three months of last resort (or so we thought) procedures and weren’t very hopeful. We made a decision that we would pursue adoption if the procedures didn’t work. We didn’t want to put more time and money into fertility treatments because there was no guarantee of success. God began slowly but faithfully preparing our hearts for this change of direction. He increased a sense of peace in my heart that I never thought possible.

You guessed it. The procedures did not work. We informed our doctor that we would not be pursuing further treatment at that time. The emotional transition from infertility to adoption began. God worked wondrously and the transition was far easier than I ever expected. A miracle. In my mind, I was giving up the dream to have biological children by agreeing to adopt. But God started to change my perspective on adoption. He revealed to me that I was one of the privileged few who He was calling to adopt! Instead of viewing myself as a second-class woman (which was wrong thinking), I began to view this change of direction as God’s perfect plan for me. I was so excited!

We did some research on adoption and adoption agencies. After speaking with friends who had adopted, we settled on a Christian agency in SC. We applied and were accepted in June and began the arduous process of adoption. The paperwork. Oh my, the paperwork. And I thought buying a house was hard! We spent June – August filling out paperwork as our second job. Lots of late nights and weekends were spent on the adoption in the midst of an already very busy summer. By mid-August, we had completed all the paperwork given to us, and submitted our home study to the agency. At the end of August, they sent us one last piece of paperwork to fill out before we would be ready for our visit from the social worker.

Here is where things get interesting. 🙂

I kept putting off the last piece of paperwork because I wanted to wait until my next cycle began to be sure I wasn’t pregnant. I honestly hadn’t thought about becoming pregnant all summer since we finished the treatments, so I’m not sure why it was on my mind, but for some reason it was.

Fast forward to Friday, September 12. Daniel had some dental work done that morning and wanted to stay low key for the rest of the day. One of his friends was in town and planned to hang out with us for the afternoon and evening. I was feeling incredibly irritable that day. Like angry-irritable. I have normal hormonal swings, but this was way different. There was a small thought in the back of my head that I could be pregnant. While the boys ran to the store for 10 minutes, I took a pregnancy test just to get my mind off of it. Well, it did anything but take my mind off of it…because it was POSITIVE!!!

I didn’t believe the test at first. I was shaking, crying, sweating, and out of control. I had to act calm as I called Daniel to the bedroom to give him the news. He didn’t believe me either. With shaky hands I pulled out the pregnancy test instructions and tried to talk myself out of the positive test. It couldn’t be true! As we looked at the test we couldn’t deny the fact that those two blue lines meant positive! We hugged and cried and then had to compose ourselves again for an evening with our dinner guest.

I still didn’t 100% believe it was true. I took another test on Saturday as well as Sunday and they were both positive. I went in on Monday for a blood test just to be sure. Obviously, there was still disbelief abounding.  Our doctor called on Tuesday with the news that we were indeed pregnant! She absolutely couldn’t believe it happened so randomly (tongue-in-cheek, of course)! We shared how God had worked a miracle for us apart from medical intervention.

Our first appointment and ultrasound was at nine weeks along on October 20. It was absolutely exhilarating to see our baby moving on that screen and watch the little heartbeat pound at a rapid rate. What a MIRACLE!

As I sit here almost 20 weeks pregnant with a little girl squirming around inside of me, I look back with a smile over the last three years, but not because they were easy. Times were hard. Very, very hard. But God was good. Very, very good. He took us through the darkest days of our life and brought us through with changed hearts. Our faith has grown, our love is deeper, our trust is strengthened. We are new people with a new perspective and very thankful hearts.

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(I didn’t share a lot of specifics about our fertility issues in this post for privacy reasons, but if you’re facing infertility and would like to ask personal questions, please contact me! We’ve been through a lot of medical testing and procedures and have used both Rx and herbal remedies. I would be more than happy to share my experiences with you).

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14 thoughts on “Healer of My Broken Heart

  1. Lacey Wright

    Thank you for sharing your touching story. Wow! You and Daniel were very excited to start your family through adoption and any child would be so blessed to have you both as parents. God knew what you needed. You needed that miracle baby. She is so blessed as well. We are beyond happy for you and continue to keep you and baby girl in our prayers. All of your heartache will be able to help someone else some day. Whether it big or small.
    I had never shared this with you guys, but about 6 months before I got pregnant with Chloe, we had a miscarriage. That was devastating. We were so ready for our 2nd, and then I felt like a failure. It took 6 months to get pregnant again (understandably now that the body has to heal) but when you are waiting and wanting so bad, it is scary. I went through some thyroid testing, and while waiting for my blood test results, I took a pregnancy test. And little Chloe was on her way! 🙂
    You guys will be absolutely amazing parents, and I can’t wait to meet your baby girl. God bless you three!!

    1. kelliejoykaminski

      Wow, thanks for sharing your story as well. I can’t imagine the pain of a miscarriage. I do understand the waiting process! It’s so hard, but worth the wait. God always knows what He’s doing! He surprises us along the way!

  2. Sara Swanson

    Oh, Kellie! I remember many similar circumstances and years of waiting, miscarriage, pursuing adoption, actually adopting, etc. Looking back, I am so thankful for those times of learning God-ordained lessons that continue to be useful to me personally, have drawn us closer to each other, and have provided numerous opportunities to minister to others. We rejoice with you and continue to pray for you, Daniel, and your little, growing, unborn baby girl. Thank you so much for your openness and the great encouragement you have been as a former student, friend, hostess to us, and now a soon-to-be new Mom. Much love! You are indeed a tree of righteous bringing glory to our heavenly Father. (Is. 61:3)

  3. marlysteck

    What a great story. We were diagnosed with infertility near the beginning of 2014. We didn’t do much with it since we would have to go straight to IVF + ICSI.

    I actually turned the opposite way from adoption A.D. (after diagnosis). I had always thought adoption was something I would love to do (speaking for *myself* here, not the me + hubs), but A.D. it felt like it would always remind me of what I couldn’t have.

    As I heal, the contentment God has been giving and teaching me is – like you say – nothing short of a miracle. God may give us a miracle baby, someday, but if not, He is still an amazing, loving God.

  4. Christa @ BrownSugarToast

    What a beautiful testimony. Grateful for God’s working in your heart – and thankful He’s someone we can trust for whatever the future holds!

  5. plums4mom

    Thank you for sharing your journey of faith. I too have experience infertility, secondary infertility, and 5 miscarriages. God blessed me with 8 children, three of which I’ve been privileged to raise. My plan was the typical “4 children every 2 years”, but God’s plan of spreading them out over 17 years was much better. Each one required more of me than I could have given if they had had close in age siblings. I love your words, “God takes us on paths we would never choose but they’re always, always the best in the end. ” Many blessings to you, Pastor Dan, and “Halfbaked”.

  6. rscccfunk

    I am curious! Why did you stop the adoption process just because you got pregnant? Didn’t you believe that adoption was what God wanted you to do, and He put that miraculous peace in your heart?

    1. kelliejoykaminski

      Most adoption agencies won’t let you proceed with adoption if you become pregnant (as was the case with ours). That’s the reason we put the adoption on pause. 🙂 We can pick it back up after the baby is 1 year old.

  7. Pingback: i’ll remember you – Beautiful Living

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